The Absolute Shittiest Jobs I Would Consider Taking at this Point in My Job Hunt
Because I cannot spend another second of my life on Indeed or LinkedIn.
It’s no secret that the job market has been complete trash lately. Jobs are hard to find, and the ones that are available either pay terribly, sound awful, or are AI-based. Sometimes all three.
With that in mind, I’m expanding my job search to opportunities I would have previously found undesirable, if not also extremely dangerous and life-threatening.
So, if you see postings for any of these positions please DM me:
Winter Caretaker at the Overlook Hotel
Cons
It will be really, really cold, and I don’t like being cold!
I don’t know how to drive a Thiokol Spryte, and I don’t feel like learning.
Could make some people go a little stir-crazy and try to kill their wife and son.
Pros
Soo much uninterrupted time to work on my novel (except for when your nagging wife does obnoxious things like check in on you sometimes. If. You. Hear. Me. Typing. I. Am. Working. What is so hard about that to understand!? Women, am I rite? 🙄).
Lots of ice cream. Yum!
I loveeee a hedge maze.
Would be a great time to try out my long-distance telepathy.
Seasonal short-term job, so there’s not a huge commitment.
Slutty Counselor at Camp Crystal Lake
Cons
The chance of me being murdered by Jason Voorhees is, like, 99.99% (but if you’re a virgin, you won’t have this issue!).
I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable wearing those booty shorts the counselors seem to be required to wear.
Pros
Seasonal job. If I survive the summer, I could piggyback it onto a short-term winter job (I’m thinking something at a hotel).
Nostalgia! I loved sleepaway camp growing up, so it would be nice to relive those good times.
Would be great to get away from the city for a little, reconnect with nature, etc etc etc.
Kevin Bacon might be there.
Cellist on the Titanic
Cons
I don’t know how to play the cello.
The job would end in my freezing cold death with no chance of survival (wouldn’t make the cut for a seat on a lifeboat, or even a large door for that matter :/).
Pros
It would be beautiful to go out doing something I love (assuming I love playing the cello after I learn how to do it).
The incredible camaraderie in the face of death.
Would finally get to travel the world by sea (for only 4 days, but still).
Kate Winslet might be there.
HR at Seattle Grace Hospital
Cons
All. The doctors. Be f*cking. Each other. Superiors, subordinates, no regard for any kind of workplace decorum. I mean, can you imagine having to go through sexual harassment training with all the employees?
Pros
Stable office job.
I’ve always liked the idea of living in the Pacific Northwest.
Sooo much gossip, which would be fun!—Unfortunately it would also be a part of my job to deal with it.
Great health insurance.
Jesse Williams might be there.
Please keep me in mind for any of these if they happen to cross your inbox. I don’t necessarily have any of the right experience, but I’m a quick learner.
Thank you,
weird pasta
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