Ranking: Best to Worst LA Freeways* for Crying In Your Car While Driving Home from a Job You Hate
*Including some streets
If there is one thing I cannot recommend less, it’s working at a talent agency. Unless you love being underpaid ($450 a week, btw), overworked, and yelled at while wearing business clothes that make you feel like a fake adult because you’re only 22 and your salary is too low to buy a whole new cute and professional wardrobe so you mostly wear black jeans—that hopefully no one will notice—and some weird silky shirts you got from Express that your grandmother would wear. Or maybe that was just my experience working at an agency…
What’s “funny” about the whole “my boss yelling at me until I cried but not at my desk because my boss yelled at me once to never to cry at my desk so I’d go into the bathroom to cry but not the bathrooms the assistants were supposed to use and instead cried in the executive-only bathrooms which feels kind of insane to think about, that they had separate bathrooms, anyway I digress” is that the agency I worked for was one of few that didn’t have a reputation of psycho agents. My boss was the only agent at the company who seemed to get off on verbally and emotionally abusing her assistant (me, btw). I truly cannot believe my company let her get away with that, but also yes I can (cue Obama “yes we can” poster).
To to this day, there are certain phone ringtones that trigger my PTSD (not a joke, btw). Wait this is kind of making me want to sue the agency for emotional damages… And I am a lawyer after all (No, I’m not. I’m simply passionate about arguing. Just ask my husband 😂. Sorry, I regret that last sentence, but unfortunately the “delete” key on my laptop is broken so it has to stay in).
But, enough about my trauma. I’ll save that for my therapist aka dumping onto all of my friends. Ok, the freeways for crying… Given my illustrious background in hating several jobs I’ve had, I’m a black belt level expert on crying while driving home from a job I hate. Specifically in LA.
So, here’s my ranking of:
Best to Worst LA Freeways* for Crying In Your Car While Driving Home from a Job You Hate
*including some streets
1. The 10 Freeway
The 10 really is that girl!!! Not in terms of getting anywhere fast, but it’s great for crying. My agency job was in Santa Monica while I lived in Echo Park (ie. very long commute), so the 10 and I really got to know each other. Miles and miles across all of LA. Hours each day spent on that freeway. My commute was 1 hour each way, at least, to be exact. Longer once the agency moved assistant parking to a 15 minute walk away from the office. Can you believe that? Say it with me:
What works:
she’s long, so that’s a lot of good crying time.
There’s enough space in between cars.
Good amount of traffic so it’s safe to cry because you’re never driving too quickly. But not standstill traffic which would mean the people in the cars next to you have time to take in their surroundings (aka see you sobbing your eyes out).
What doesn’t work:
Even an hour drive wasn’t long enough to get all my tears out.
2. Olympic Boulevard
Not a freeway, I know! But did you see the asterisk in the title? So GET OFF MY BACK. Olympic Boulevard feels like the fastest way to get across the entirety of LA not including the 10. (Angelenos, you may think I’m wrong, but I’m also sensitive. So please don’t yell at me in the comments if you disagree.)
What works:
You’re moving slowly enough that crying while driving doesn’t feel totally unsafe. You’ll hit a lot of stoplights which is a great time to beat your head against the steering wheel as you yell over and over “WHY, GOD? WHY????”
It’s fun to get to see the city from ground-level!
What doesn’t work:
One time I was crying in my car when I was stopped at a red light. I turn to my right and make immediate eye contact with one of my coworkers. I look amazing while crying, so it wasn’t the end of the world. But still, not the best look.
3. The 405
The 405 is that LA freeway you always see on the news around the holidays. 54,834 cars moving at a speed of .001 miles per hours even at ~17 lanes wide. It’s the kind of traffic your dad would describe as “murder.” Side bar: does anyone else’s dad say, “traffic was murder” at least 5 times a day?
What works:
You’ll be spending a lottttt of time stuck here if this is your commute home. Many hours of time where you can leak buckets (is that a phrase…don’t tell me if it’s not).
What doesn’t work:
Traffic is toooo slow. Cars are at a standstill. People get bored. Their eyes start to wander. Peering around for something interesting to look at. And BAM! You’re face to face with some stranger while snot streams out of your nose as you ugly crying (not me though, as I said I look amazing when I cry).
4. The 110 (DTLA)
Specifically the part with the interchange between the 10 and the 101 that takes you through downtown.
what works:
not much, honey. You do have members of the Los Angeles Chamber Orchestra who are painted on the side of a parking structure and whose eyes look down onto the 110 freeway to keep you company. So maybe that’s some comfort? But also you don’t want to be comforted right now!!! You just want to be in your feelings!! Leave me alone, Julie Gigante! Side bar: did you know that the mural is 100 feet tall, 35 years old, and took 500 gallons of paint and 2,000 hours to complete???
What doesn’t work:
Too many lane changes going on! You’ve got people trying to get across 16 lanes (maybe an exaggeration…) in each direction to get to a number of different highways or exits before the interchange then splits into two for a little bit before coming back together. Learning that freeways are harder to describe than you would. All that to say…there’s too much going on to be crying. You gotta stay FOCUSED or you’ll get into an accident and have the 100-foot tall Ralph Morrison judging your poor driving skills.
5. The Canyon Roads
Laurel and Coldwater Canyons, Beverly Glen Boulevard, any of the roads that take you over the hills.
What works:
Driving down those windy (ˈwīn-dē) road feels over-the-top (metaphorically but also literally since you’re going over the hills). This really helps you lean into the melodrama of how much you hate your job and life.
Beautiful drive! But this might be a detractor actually. The beauty of nature and feeling grounded in the world can take you right out of self-pity and into gratitude. We don’t want that! At least not on these commutes home.
What doesn’t work:
Too dangerous!!! The aforementioned windy (ˈwīn-dē) roads that are not as well-lit and also much more narrow than other streets and freeways. I 100% do not recommend having tear-filled eyes or pretending you’re in a sad music video while on these streets. Full attention required!
Laurel Canyon Boulevard in 1923
6. The 110 Freeway (Arroyo Seco)
Specifically the bit that goes through Highland Park aka The Arroyo Seco Freeway
What works:
NOTHING ARE YOU INSANE.
What doesn’t work:
Everything!!! Merging onto the Arroyo Seco Freeway is not for the faint of the heart. And it’s also not for the strong of heart! Or the middle of heart! This is the FIRST FREEWAY IN THE US! That’s crazy and kind of cool, but it means it’s not designed for modern driving. It was constructed around cars and city populations from the 1930s. And has never(!) been updated to accommodate for faster cars and a much denser driving population. Every on ramp is a life or death situation. There are stop signs about 2 inches from where you’re supposed to merge. So you have to go from a FULL STOP to 55 mph in about .006 seconds. Idk about your cars, but that’s asking a lot of my 2016 Honda Civic. Can you imagine doing any of the while CRYING?? On top of that the freeway is windy (ˈwīn-dē) as hell but drivers still speed around every curve.
You need another reason not to cry while driving on the Arroyo Seco Freeway?!? Get help! Find a friend to trauma dump on or some other just as healthy strategy. DON’T DO IT.
An actual on-ramp for the Arroyo Seco Parkway
And there you have it, folks. The fully comprehensive guide of the best routes to take while crying on your drive home from a job you hate. I definitely covered every single freeway and big street. None were missed or skipped over. Did not stop at a list of only 6 because 1. I got tired and decided I wanted to be done writing this, 2. I ran out of jokes about streets and crying, and 3. I have no idea of people’s attention span on this platform and don’t want to overstay my welcome in your inboxes and brains.
Thanks for reading! It’s important to note that I’ve since left the entertainment industry and am much happier in my life. It’s just fun every once in a while to get bitter over people treating you like shit. Cathartic you may say.
drive safe but sad,
Megan
https://weirdpasta.substack.com/p/ranking-best-to-worst-la-freeways
